Conflicting Views

  

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.  Exodus 20:12

Honor widows who are truly widows. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.  1 Timothy 5:3-4

Whose job is it to take care of Mom?  We knew Mom had a declining memory and was not making rational choices.  There were two of us that were tasked with looking after Mom.  Both of us were raising families and had full time jobs and community responsibilities.  Secretly, we both hoped that Mom would keep her independence as long as possible.  After an accidental fall of a bicycles in North Carolina mom was left unable to walk and care for herself.  

Matt and I rearranged our house and our lives to care for Mom in this season.  During this time I learned many things.

1.   I could not do this alone. 

2.   Selfless Love is a Family Affair

We spent three months caring for Mom. We would bath, feed, drive, and entertain her.   When I was unable or exhausted my children would step up.  They would help make lunch before we left for school or watch a movie with her.   If we were in public one of them would often push the wheel chair or help her get from one location to another.   

As we cared I would keep my brother up to date on what was going on.   Quickly, I realized our version of caring for my mother was different. The questions arose, and selfishness approached.  Giving up his lifestyle was not an option.  He wanted to spend time with his family, and his wife would not be helping.  Often commenting that my children were living in trauma, telling me to put her in a home or questioning my decisions.   There are no amount of words that can articulate the pain and disappointment that were present in the lack of involvement and support.   

The views were conflicting, but grace was given.   My kids would often ask why their uncle did not have to participate, but they did.   Our answer was clear.  Jesus calls us to care for and love our elders.   Our family has been called to this so we will honor mom and Jesus in this calling.