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Lonely Journey

 I am forty-two years old. I am raising elementary and middle school children.   At this time my life is composed of working, carpooling, and care taking.  Care taking is a priviledge and a journey of learning and finding ones self.  Unlike the wedding seasons, births, and kindergarten enterances this phase of life is not entered at a specific time or phase of life.   We enter this as life happens.  I have entered this stage earlier than my peers.   My peers understand that I have an added responsibility. The are respectful to my mother and will often times ask about her. If I leave for any reason they will call and check in on her and help with small tasks.  However, there is a feeling of isolation.  It is hard to explain to people that you are actively greiving the mom you once had and accepting and enjoying the mom you do have.  One thing I pray dilligently for is to find a group of friends and peers that can support each other as we all are in the midst of long good-byes. There is
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Recent posts

Dad's Jobs

 Over the last year there are many jobs that I am now doing that were "Dad's Jobs."   Dad's jobs are jobs that my dad just did.  I never realized that he did all of them.  In his absences we truly are finding what unseen jobs were his.   Over the last two months I have identified the jobs in which now have transitioned from his to mine. 1. Taxes- Dad did my parents taxes for years upon years. My mom would save an organize the documents and Dad would take care of the rest.  In the last year we have had hiccups of not filing, and then this year finding our deductions were not correct.   What I am learning is that not only does a person's daily life chage, but so does many legal matters.   After being married for almost fifty year deductions were always taken out as a couple.  As a single the deduction would need to change.  This information was new to me and so we begn the navigation of changing her allotment with in the Social Security System.   The same would be t
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SAME STORY DIFFERENT DAY

Routnie.  Mom loves routine. In the recent weeks I have found that routine is a big part of her life.  Not only is routine apparent in her daily interactions. At this point I make contact with her daily to check in and check in on her day. The conversation is the same everyday.  Today I went to ..., then I ate, after that I had a.   Then we hang up.   There is no two way communication and it is hard to converse about others.   Mom is in her own world.  Each week I know exactly what the week looks like as she does the same thing each week. The routine is predictable, and going off the routine is very difficult for her. She goes to church on certain days, laundry on different days, and appointments on other days.  In these moments I am thankful that she has independence and has the ability to do things on her own. I know this is something that I will miss in the years to come. 
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MATT

     One night I was curdled up on the couch one and Matt asked me what was wrong.  I quickly told him I was sad.  I was sad that my Mom was no longer able to do what she once was able to do.  I was sad that no matter what I told my brother he still had an excuse of why and how he could not be an active partcipant in my Mom's care. I was sad that my SIL as a nurse was unwilling to speak or be of any assistance or support to my brother.  I was sad that life was not suppose to be this way.  I was lonely as my peers are not walking this road. I am tired and know the marathon will continue.   He let me say all of my things, and then quickly told me I was not alone.  That he was in this journey with me.  Seventeen years ago we took the vow for better or worse.  My family was his, and his was mine.   In my tears I knew he spoke truth.  Matt has stood in the gap.  When I can no longer think of the next steps he thinks with me. If the medication is off he goes and checks. When she is sick
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Small Blessings

Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 'Honor your father and mother.' This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, 'Things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth. In this season of life I am learning that both my Mom and my own children are cherised and loved by the Lord.  In her weakness we are called to step in and help her. These are thankless acts and days.  However, in the midst of them the blessings and small ways we have seen God move are evident.    Over the last few weeks I have kept track of the ways I have seen God's provision and work. 1.  Mom loves to go out for dinner. It is the thing that makes her the most happy. She does not eat healthy and is often motivated by food.  With three kids and a husband I am not always available to try new restraunts.  However, the church has begun taking Seniors in the church to new restr
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Small Declines

 Over the last few months mom has had family friends visit her.  Secretly I think I LOVE the visitors as much as she does.   They bring a sense of home to me. They encourage me through this journey.  They also bring eyes into her home and share.   The last two sets of visitors have affirmed my views that we see in the last few months. 1. Conversations-At this time Mom has a difficult time carrying on conversations.  She is able to state her facts to you, but is not able to conversate as once was.  Open and deep conversations are no more.    2. Driving- Mom is still able to drive around town.  She is able to drive within a 10 minute radius of her home.   All other locations Matt and I take her.   3. Hallmark- Hallmark is Mom's favorite TV show.  She spends a LARGE amoutnt of her day watching shows and playing on her IPAD. 4.  Routine-Mom has a routine and follows it.  Mom's routine includes breakfast, a work out class, bible study, and chorus class.  Even when visitors are here
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A View from Our Kids

The sandwich generation is considered those who are raising children, and actively caring for a parent.   At this time time I am one of the many in the sandwich phase.  I will not sugar coat and tell you that it is easy.  It is not easy.  I am raising children to become independent and fly from our home to begin their own home.  On the other hand I am watching my mom end her flight of independence and asking her to trust me as she begins to lose the abilities she once has.  Is this fair?  NOPE!! However, it has given me a platform to teach our kids what it means to care for another selflessly as a family.   We have open discussions about the disease of dementia and what it takes from a person.  What things others need help with and other areas that we need to just smile and chuckle.  So, this has allowed my kids to step up and take a small piece of responsibility with YiaYia.   Each in their own small way. Brynn:    Being the oldest Brynn has the fondest memories of my mom.  She can re
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